Dear Ramadhan - I Miss My Parents Part 3

Dear Ramadhan ... Going back and forth people go on and on, not every time in every house I see many become impromptu stalls that almost every one they sell is the same ... Fruit ice, fried foods and small snacks that characterize the month of Ramadan ... Remember  when I was a child, the moment of Ramadan was always awaited only because I was always an impromptu seller in front of the house ... While waiting for the evening prayer to recite I always swiftly peddled a salad that was always crowded with buyers ... 500 rupiahs of money I got from each piece of fruit salad  I sold ... A little but happy because at that time the blessing was still attached to surround this Self ... A innocent face and a clean heart that has not been covered in a lot of sins became a prelude to every prayer that was said that always wishes granted ... !!! Now it's different  , very different face grim and dirty heart because it has been tarnished by sin "as if blocking every prayer that I say ... Astagfirullah'aladzim ... Forgive me O Allah ... Mercy your servant, always  akak a mother who loves her child when he was hit ... What I feel is only sad remorse due to his own actions that I do ... You have said through the Qur'an ... "DO NOT .... !!!  "  but as if your command was never ignored, maybe now you are testing me for what I did for your prohibition that I care about ... Forgive me O Allah ... You are most gracious, merciful and forgiving ... !!!  I can't stand the test you gave, maybe if both parents were still by my side, surely I would cry and fall down in his arms while pouring out what I feel right now ... Now I can only pour it all on you O God because only You are not  will never leave me at a time like this ... O God, may you always open the door of forgiveness to me, I want to be right "to repent asking forgiveness to you, want to return again the path that you are ridho'i and want to get a blessing that is now slowly disappearing from me ...  !!!